The Popularity Contest of Life: Why I am Giving Up The Fight

Ever since I can remember I have always been a people pleaser. No one cares what people think or desires for people to like them more  than I do. Which, if you are even at all a people pleaser you know just how much heart ache, frustration and even anger it can cause. Hardest part of it all? It has absolutely no affect on the people I am trying to please and so fervently searching for acceptance from. How frustrating is that?!?! So all of the anger, and frustration and sadness and even self-shaming and doubt are not even being acknowledged. It’s just toiling within us and festering which is just not healthy at all. Why do I do this to myself? Why oh why do I care so much what other people think? Ugh, even the people who I couldn’t see being true close friend  with I long to accept me. I still try in vain and hope against all hopes that I will be seen and that I will finally be accepted, especially by the people who seem so widely accepted and loved by just about everyone. To be honest, I am just so tired, tired of trying. Trying to search for acceptance and love by people who may never grant me these things. Besides, isn’t there someone whom I really should be seeking acceptance and love from? I spend so much time thinking about what others think and trying to be seen and heard and loved and accepted by the people around me that I forget to think about the one person who matters most, my Lord and Savior. Thankfully my Lord accepts and loves me without any hesitations or expectations. I have Him in my corner. So why am I fighting so hard to have the acceptance and love of my peers? My fallable, conditionally loving peers? Don’t get me wrong I still seek to find friends and I feel that it is important to have friendship and fellowship with others. I still care and desire to have their acceptance and friendship, but I have to try my hardest to see God’s plan and will for me. Maybe if I can focus my mind and heart on the bigger picture and look to Him to provide people in my life who will show me love and acceptance I can stop worrying about it. So I am giving up the fight to be popular in this world. After all why fight for something I will never be able to accomplish. Might I instead lean on my God and Savior and  entrust Him to guide my way and lead me to those who will accept and love  me and point me back to Him.

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