Hello my son(s), my desire for you is to mature as holy and pure men of God. We live in a world that is self-serving; the majority is focused on their wants and desires and do not care about those around them. It is my hope that your father and I will teach you to care not about your own selfish wants and needs, but to focus on what Christ wants for you. 1 Peter 1:14-16 says, “ As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written,’You shall be holy, for I am holy.'”
There are so many things I could write to you about, but today I am writing you in regards to remaining sexually pure. There are a few reasons why I want this for you. I am your mother, and I will ALWAYS want what is best for you. I want you to walk in the ways of the Lord glorify Him in all that you do, including how you pursue your future wife.
In order for you to honor God and walk in His ways you must first know what God says in this matter.In 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 Paul says,
“Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”
God’s word is the absolute truth and from the passage in 1 Thessalonians, it is clear that God gives instructions for his people to be holy and set apart. I want to share with you how this truth can apply to you and to the pursuit of your future wife. First of all, I want to say that sex is a good thing and it is a way of becoming even closer to the one you love.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Sex is good, when it is being done in the way that honors the Lord. Sex is not bad, however God intended this to be an act performed only within marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” I talked earlier about a majority that cares for themselves. That is not how I want you to live, but rather in caring for your sisters in Christ. I hope you desire that they remain pure too, so as to not suffer the emotional ramifications that accompany pre-marital sex. You see, when you are that intimate with someone outside of marriage, there is no absolute expectation of commitment. This is so dangerous for one’s emotions. When you give yourself to someone so intimately it is not something that you can get back, but inside marriage it can be celebrated and enjoyed forever.
Sons, I want you to understand that sex exists to bring God glory through the intimacy in a marital relationship. When we have sex outside of marriage it fails to paint the picture of intimacy between God and his people. 1 Corinthians 10: 31 says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Just one chapter later, 11:1-3 says, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Further more, Ephesians 5: 25-33 says,
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Temptation can be strong, I know that it is easy to have sex on the brain and even when you have good intentions, you must be on guard. There is nothing wrong with holding hands, or even kissing if you believe that you can draw the line there.
I strongly urge you to pursue a woman of Godly integrity and one who will be in step with you on your pure intentions. Talk to her, decide what you feel comfortable with and make a plan, seek out someone older that can help keep you accountable. You can even come to me or dad if you feel comfortable, we would love to help you in your walk of purity.
I love you so much and I want to see you walking and growing in the Lord striving each day to honor and glorify Him, but nothing will change my love for you. Please, son, know that you can come to me anytime about anything. Nothing you say or do could ever make me love you less, but it is my hope and prayer to see you walking along side the Lord and seeking Him in ALL that you say and do.
All my love,