My sweet daughter(s), I am writing this letter to express my desire for you to grow up into God fearing, pure, and holy women who follow hard after God, seeking to honor and glorify Him in all that you say and do.
There are many things I want to say to you, but today, I am writing to you about sexual purity and guarding your hearts. It is so important to guard your hearts so that you can maintain sexual purity, not just for yourself, but also for your future husband.
So first lets see what the word of The Lord says about sex and marriage. 1 Thessalonians 4:3- 8 says,
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”
God’s word is the absolute truth and from the passage in 1 Thessalonians, it is clear that God gives instructions for his people to be holy and set apart. I want to share with you how this truth can apply to you and to the pursuit of your future husband.
First of all, I want to say that sex is a good thing and it is a way of becoming even closer to the one you love.1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says,
“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Sex is good, when it is being done in the right way that honors the Lord. This is not a matter of sex being bad, but rather that sex outside of marriage or freely given is bad. However, God intended this to be an act performed only inside of marriage. Hebrews 13:4 says,“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
In caring for others you should care for your brothers in Christ and desire that they remain pure too so as to not suffer the emotional ramifications that come with having sex outside of marriage. You see, when you get that intimate with someone outside of marriage there is no absolute expectation of commitment which is so dangerous for ones emotions. When you give yourself to someone so intimately it is not something that you can get back, it is gone forever, but inside marriage it can be celebrated and enjoyed forever.
Daughters, I want you to understand that sex exists to bring God glory through the intimacy in a marital relationship. When we have sex outside of marriage it fails to paint the picture of intimacy between God and his people. 1 Corinthians 10: 31 says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Just one chapter later, 11:1-3 says,
“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”
In order to remain sexually pure as the Lord has called you to be until marriage,there are some things I believe you can do: guard your heart and mind, dress and act in a modest manner, and always, always, always find your worth in Christ alone.
First of all you need to always be guarding your heart, your heart is far too precious to leave open. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flows the springs of life.” I know how easy it is to get carried away with how you feel in your heart. It is my prayer that you would be wise and use discernment in this, because it can be so easy for our hearts to be fooled by others, especially when we are in the moment. Do not trust solely on your own heart. Proverbs 28:26 says, “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered.” In guarding your heart, you must also guard your mind from impure and distracting thoughts. Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Our minds are a very powerful vessel and it can be dangerous when we allow our minds to wonder. I know how easy it is for your minds to wonder about the future and our very own happily ever after, especially when you are being pursued by a young man. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Modesty play an important role not just for your sexual purity, but for the sexual purity of your brothers in Christ. Romans 14:13-19 says,
“Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”
Therefore, out of love for your brothers in Christ, you should have the desire to clothe yourselves in a way that is glorifying to the Lord and will not cause the eyes of others to draw upon you. When a man pursues you it is my prayer that he would be pursuing you for pure and holy reasons. When a young man sees you I want him to see your sweet spirit and love for Jesus, not a plunging neck line and upper thighs. Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” 1 Peter 3:3-4 says, “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
As I said earlier, as children of God we should ALWAYS find our worth and value in the Lord. We are so very valuable and precious in the sight of God, so much so that He gave up His one and only son for us, so that we could be redeemed (John 3:16 &17). 1 Peter 2:9-10 says,
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”
The Lord chose us to be His children, we are that special! it is my prayer that you will always be quick to remember your value and self-worth in the Lord, and that you will run into His arms and trust that He will guide your path. Proverbs 3:6 says, “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
The most important thing I want to say to you is that I love you and nothing will EVER change how I feel about you. I want you to know that you can come to me, or dad about anything and we will be there to listen and help guide you and point you back to God. It is my hope and prayer that you will walk along side the Lord, seeking Him in ALL that you say and do.
All my love,