This is a picture of me and one of my closest friends, Grace, who has been one of my closest friends since late middle school/early high school (over 6 years)! I so cherish our friendship because it is one that is not superficial. I know that when she asks me, “How have you been?” or “What’s going on in your life?” I know she is being genuine and she truly cares for me and what is going on in my life. Finding tried and true friends has been a struggle for me but I know that I have this sweet friend, Grace, along with my other sweet friend Alex. Funny thing is I have probably known Alex almost as long as I have known Grace but only became close, true friends in the past 2-3 years. We became close when we were both pregnant with our sweet children, her sweet daughter Molly, and my son Silas. We would talk all the time over the phone because at the time she was not living near us and I cherish that time we spent talking because we could talk about anything. What I love about my friendships with Grace and Alex is how we can talk about the most non-trivial and silly things but also bare our souls to one another when we really need to talk about something heavy. They aren’t the feel good friends who run and become busy the moment things get heavy, but they are willing to sit on the phone or just hug you and listen to you through your tears, even when your words aren’t words and you look a hot-mess. So, I thought it would be fun to list out 5 things that make them such real, amazing and true friends and set them apart from the rest
1. Time stands still no matter how long you go without speaking
You can tell you have a true friend when you go months or longer without speaking and you can pick up right where you left off without skipping a beat. In the busy of life sometimes we just find ourselves in a season of life when you can’t talk as often as you once did, but the second you reconnect it is as if it’s only been days since you last spoke.
2.Disagreements and hurt feelings are discussed in a place of love and desire for reconciliation
If you remain friends with someone long enough there will come a time when you disagree with something that is said or find yourself hurt by them. After all, we are all human and give into our worldly flesh and so hurt is just a part of our fallen world. However, what makes a friendship true and strong is when we, out of love, can come to one another in a spirit that is seeking a resolution and reconciliation. Which means approaching one another in a kind, calm, and loving spirit. When a friendship is true and love is present then we have no desire to hurt one another and therefore (should be) quick to apologize and turn from whatever was the offense.
3. There is a perfect balance of goofy and seriousness
True friends can joke and goof around and laugh about things but is not afraid to sit down while you cry or confide in them your secrets, hurts, basically anything. This is probably one of my favorite parts of having true friends. I can be a big goof, dumb blonde, and crazy person when I want but I know that I can depend on them when something is going on in my life that I really just need comfort, reassurance, or advice. It also feels like there is this perfect balance where neither is out of place or disproportionate.
4. Above all the relationship main focus and existence is to build up one another in love
True friendship is one that focuses on building up one another and encouraging each other through all seasons of life. It’s goal should be that of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 which says,
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
I truly believe that om evaluating your friendships these 4 things will help you decipher who are your true friends and who are not! I have to always remind myself that true friendships are few and far between and some people are lucky to even have one friend and you are so blessed if you have 2 or 3! I am so blessed in my true friendships, especially with my sweet girlfriends Grace and Alex!