Marriage is usually a huge adjustment for most people and for many various reasons. Here are just 5 of mine.
1. Who I identify as my(immediate) family changed.
BM ( not Black Male or Bowel Movement, but Before Marriage) when we talk or think about family we are referring to our mother and father and siblings if we have any, but AM family becomes your spouse, and one day your children. I want to make it clear, that parents and in-laws are most definitely still family and are important and loved. Having said that, when you get married your spouse, in a way, takes place of your parents and sibling and becomes your go-to person and is the number one person that you take into consideration when making plans and decisions.My parents and my husbands parents will ALWAYS be a part of our family, but when we got married there was a shift.
2. My finances changed majorly when I got married.
I grew up very privileged and I did not have a real full-time job until after I graduated high school and when I did have a job my parents still paid for almost everything except for gas and spending money. When I lived at home and was enrolled in college full-time they did not require a full-time job from me and so I was able to just focus on my school work and after high school I was given a car to get around to school and what not so I did not have to work and save up for a vehicle. Ah, man it was the good life, I had no idea what being an adult and being responsible for bills and such looked and felt like and man was ignorance bliss! I want to say this before I go any further, I LOVE my life, my husband and my son and no amount of money or riches would change this truth and if I could go back and change the past I wouldn’t (well some things but not marrying when we did and having our son when we did). So, now that i have cleared that up, I think it is fairly obvious that the word “change” would be a drastic understatement from the way I was living to the way 2 poor college students live. We have had our ups and downs, probably a little more of downs then ups, but I know that we will appreciate the good times so much more when the time comes having gone through these rough times. Finances are only one part of the marriage but it is a big one and I have heard stories of people getting divorced over it. I understand a little more now why that is, however I did not marry for money or for anything else, I married for love.
3. I had to adjust to living with another person and in close quarters.
Found this article on sharing the bed here.
No lie, when I saw this picture it made me laugh and although we don’t really have any snoring issues as of yet I think my husband and I can relate to this picture, but now add a toddler in the middle! So, back track for a minute to when we were newlyweds and not trying to fit 3 people in one queen sized bed. When we were in the season (short short season) of marriage that was pre-baby our sleeping arrangement wasn’t really too much of an adjustment for me. although I have been told by my husband it was a huge adjustment for him. I am a cuddler and I don’t care to sleep alone so this change was fairly easy and enjoyable for me. I think the biggest adjustment for me was not having someone who cleaned up around the house. Much to my displeasure all of that now fell on me and unfortunately that was something that took me way too long to succumb to….therefore we had a very VERY messy home. It is still something I have not mastered, but then again I hear so many people say the same thing who have been married for years which makes me feel better. Thankfully, my husband grew up with 2 sisters and a mother so I didn’t have to adjust to the whole “leaving the toilet seat up” issue, but my husband and I are both have type B personalities and unfortunately neither of us suffers from OCD…. I think you get the picture. So, it has been quite an adjustment and out of embarrassment I just never really had people over. That is until recently, when I finally had my very first party in our home and since then I have done my best to keep it up so that people can come over and spend time with me, which is basically the only way they can do so during the week due to only having one car right now. So, while it has been an adjustment these past 3 years and changed my life, I am finally getting the hang of this, so if you are newly married, or even a couple years in now like me, don’t worry you’re not alone!
4.Having control of what I watched changed when I got married.
Okay, I know this looks silly but this is legit a problem when you get married, granted not a serious one at all , but still something that changes when you get married. If you ask my husband he will tell you that I almost always win out on the TV battle, but…. No that’s totally true because I have such a kind and loving husband! When we were newly married and before we moved from our apartment to our townhome we had 2 functional TV’s and so if he wanted to watch the game or something I would go watch the smaller TV in our room. Now we only use our big TV, but after 3 years of marriage and a DVR we have worked it out pretty well. Again, this isn’t a serious life changer, and i think the word changer is a little too strong but it is something that takes some adjusting to when you get married.
5. My priorities changed from self to spouse the day I said, “I Do”.
I feel like this post almost goes full circle, bringing it back around to my first point. I believe the ordering of this list is so important, life changing, and crucial to a healthy and loving marriage. The Lord needs to be first and foremost the biggest priority individually and together. Then comes our spouse and his or her needs. I have found the times where my husband and I have gotten along best or been at ease the most with each other have been the times when we were putting each other ahead of ourselves. When I walked down the aisle and said, “I Do” I took a vow to place his needs before mine and to care for him selflessly. Unfortunately I do far too of a shabby job in this category and my selfless attitude needs some major work, but God is good and in His infinite wisdom gave me a sweet, loving, and forgiving husband who allows me to make mistakes and at times bump that #4 up to #2. Now, you might read my list and say 3. is in the wrong place but win having a child I truly feel like being a servant of God means that you really do come last. Naturally my son is #3 but I am learning that if my children were a category then it would be 3. children, 4. Others, 5. Self.
Are you married? If so what have been your 5 reasons for marriage changing things?!?