So, with the new year I have been talking a lot about resolutions and changes and I have decided this is the year that I want to dedicate to change but I have also decided that this will be the year that I take a big step and finally find my birth mother. This is something that has always been on my mind and something I knew I would do eventually and I really started thinking about it actively when I met my husband and the prospect of having children came up, and now that we have our first child, our son, it’s become something that is on my mind now more than ever. I am curious and would like to met her and know what she looks like, hear her story, find out if I have siblings, but more than anything I really want to know my medical history.
I think part of what has taken me so long to do this is the fact that I have been so very blessed with a family who has always provided for my every need and has loved me so well that I just kind of overlooked the fact that I was adopted, it was just an interesting fact about myself. A big reason in making this decision has been the desire, and even the need, to know my medical history and have a peace in finally not being in the dark and the unknown about something that so many, probably most, would take for granted or not even give a second thought.
This is a huge step for me because it’s finally time for me to stop standing frozen in my tracks and MOVE, start researching and figuring out what I need to do to get things started and there are so many emotions that are encased in this that it’s exhausting. I’m excited, nervous, scared, apprehensive, and worried but I know regardless of what happens everything will be okay because I have the support of my husband and I know where my true identity lies so I feel like I can take whatever comes my way. If she doesn’t want to meet me or meets me and is unkind I will be okay because I know who raised me and I know my identity is not found in man, it’s found in my Lord and Savior.
I know I am not the first person to do this, and I am certain I won’t be the last but I have been blogging for a while now and have written about both impersonal and personal things and I have decided that i would really like to track this journey and all that it will entail: the research, the feelings and emotions leading up to whatever happens, the meet (or the discovery there will be no meeting), and I want to share it all with you, my readers, and I invite you to come alongside me as I endeavor on this journey.